Alright, back to motherhood and finally having the baby. I love babies and have all my life. I think that too many people, make it seem so great and glamourous, though. There are so many things that happen to the baby, b/c of the baby, and so on.

I don't really know exactly where to start, my baby (I don't want to say is perfect, but ..) didn't have alot going on. She was a very happy baby, slept 4-5hrs from the day she was born, eats good, and so on. She, just like any other baby, though, has gotten sick. Unfortunately, and I don't really enjoy it (not that anyone does), but what the problem is, is that no one tells you, that they cry all the time when they are sick, and get diaper rash that is so bad their little bottom is raw, and they scream when you change the diaper, and worst of all that you can't do anything to help them. Haleigh is on antibiotics now, and I really feel like a bad mother that she got sick. How about those emotions of being a parent? No one really tells you about that. Sure they say it will change your life, but they don't really elaborate. It is more of a roller coaster than pms, and regular life itself. I am so happy to have a baby, and I want to do everything that I can to make sure she stays happy and healthy and grows up to be a great person (better than me). It is just that everytime something happens, I feel like it is my fault. I feel like I let her down. The crazy part is, that right now, she doesn't even really know. She just knows that she hurts and doesn't feel like her normal self. I am kinda getting off subject I guess, but that's ok. I am done talking about this topic alone. I just kind of wanted to throw that out there, and see if I was the only one that feels that way. I am sure I'm not. .......

.....Now to the real stuff.

I stay at home all day with my baby, and I know that it is my "job" to make sure the house is clean and take care of her, and take care of the pets, but I am going crazy. I get the main things done most of the time...laundry, dishes, etc., but we are still moving into our new house, and I am trying to get boxes unpacked and put where they belong, and organize all the rooms the way we want them. This is tough with a baby and a dog, especially right now, when the baby doesn't feel so well and wants to be with me all the time. She won't hardly take a nap for fear she might miss something, I guess, and the dog wants to run in and out all day or pee on the floor. He usually waits until I am busy to decided to go outside. Then he just barks to come right back in. I feel that I am doing a pretty good job with things, but my husband gets upset b/c the house isn't always 100% clean. Now, I can't complain about him too much because he generally helps me with things, but he has started slacking off lately, and when I brought it to his attention he just got upset. Like how dare I accuse him of that.

He use to help me with the laundry, dishes every night, sweep the floor, take out the trash, scoop the litter box, and help with dinner and or the baby without me even having to ask. Now he does the laundry when he needs something that isn't done, hardly ever helps with the dishes (which is partly me right now, because by the time we are done working out and put Haleigh to bed and eat, I just want us to relax and spend time together), and I have been scooping the litter box and feeding the animals, and sometimes taking out the trash, but I have to ask him to help me anymore. Also, on the weekends we don't do anything, and he just watches tv and doesn't want to help me put things away. Ok that is fine sometimes, and I know I don't have a job, but I really can't do all of it bymyself. I need him to help me and if we were to just take a weekend and get this done, then it would be alot easier for me to keep the normal everyday stuff done and still tend to the dog and take care of the baby. He seems to think that I have plenty of time to clean. The problem is he doesn't understand that, although Haleigh is a good baby, she stills cries and needs things, and now she is at the stage where she doesn't want to sit on her own and play, she wants you to play with her. Also, she is not feeling well right now, and she cries alot. She wants me to hold her all the time, and she won't even take a nap like she use to. She has been taking a nap on her own for about 2-3 months. I would give her a binky and lay her down and out she goes. Now, she just cries and cries and cries. Even if I hold her, sometimes she still cries. It really doesn't allow me to get much done. And then when it's not her, it is the dog. And some days I don't really feel like cleaning with all that going on. Just like he doesn't because he works all day or all week (that is his excuse for not helping on the weekends). I feel bad, and I really want to do a better job, but at the same time, I am not about to start doing everything of him (even if I could) because then he really would be lazy, and never help again. I am really just asking him to understand where I am coming from and not be so upset with me b/c it isn't done, especially if he isn't going to help.

Alright, that is enough since this has turned into a vent. I have a wonderful husband, don't get me wrong, and I love my life. I just need to be able to voice how I feel without someone getting angry at me. I know we will talk it out enough that sooner or later he will realize what I am saying and understand.

I am going to say tata for now, and try to get something done, as Haleigh is going down for a nap right now.

Motherhood vent

Now that I have figured out how this whole thing works, there is a specific topic that I really just can't get over, that I would love to share with the world and get feedback on. Here goes... So I totally LOVE being a mommy, and have wanted nothing more for my entire life. However, I would like to talk about the things that NO ONE ever talks about when you become a mother. Where to begin, though....Well, first off, getting pregnant for us, was no accident. We talked for along time about when we were going to start trying and if we were ready, and we decided that we were. Now, pregnancy is a beautiful thing! If you enjoy being nauseous or vomiting all the time, not being able to eat some of your favorite foods or any food sometimes, for that matter. Oh, and there is always the weight gain (which wasn't so horrible for me except for the fact that I was already kind of big), the water retention and bloating, gas, mood swings (which our husbands really enjoy), crying for no reason or for stupid things (such as my husband taking some of my cheetos out of the bowl I had just made for myself (Like there wasn't plenty more for me to get out of the bag if I ran out!) and there are so many more stories like this one), being tired all of the time even when you don't do anything, and then ...on top of all that... on a regular basis, we get to pee in a cup, have blood drawn, and have tests done for the baby's sake and sometimes for our own. These things aren't that horrible really, but that first sonogram (at least for me) was a bit of a suprise. Not only did we finally get to see that there really was a baby inside of me, and hear the heartbeat for the first time, but it was not the ultrasound that I was expecting. I did not know that they have a vaginal sonogram! Fine that happened once, now I know, but then there is the other (like a papsmear) exams too, the diabetes test, and the list goes on. Every womans dream! After the dream comes true, then we get to labor. Yeah, everyone says it hurts, and they get drugs and that makes it all better. BOLOGNE! Ok, so the drugs help a little, but that isn't really that fun either. My entire body was numb from my ribs down, therefore you can't control your gasiness (little bit embarassing), or move if you want to. Someone has to move you. Then comes the pushing. Fine, we all make it, but wow. And the nurses and doctors don't really help. My sister's told her that the more she screamed the longer the baby was going to take to come out. Hello, is that something you really want to tell a moody, hormone stricken, drugged, pregnant woman? I don't think, so, obviously, I don't think that nurse had ever had kids herself. My nurse kept telling me to push and then walking away. Uhmmm, where is the baby going to go if no one is there to catch? And what do doctors get paid for? Finally, after 3hrs of pushing, the doctor walks in, puts on a paper gown and some gloves, catches the baby, dad cuts the cord, the doctor says "congratulations" and walks out. WTF! The nurses or anyone for that matter could have done that! Oh, and how about the processes and pain afterwards? They spray your bottom with some stuff, wipe it with rough paper towels, and then take the catheter out and make you pee on your own. Now that was the best feeling in the world! And let me tell you, it doesn't last for just a day or so. And then there is the bleeding for days and weeks on end. You start to wonder if it is ever going to stop, or if you are just going to bleed to death, and who is going to take care of the baby if you do?Oh, and yes you may get over the pain, but I don't think you really "forget" it. It is bad enough that you NEVER forget, you just put it out of your mind, until it is about to happen again. Crazy people aren't we? Holy cow, what a fun day! Now, this is a long, blog, so I will get to the rest tomorrow, but I think this was a good start. Tomorrow, I will get to the "real" joys of being a mother (or father, they are not to be excluded, for they go through some of it too, and some fathers are even the "mother").

New to Blogging

Ok, so I am just learning how to do this, but I think I will have fun, and so will everyone following along. Whether it be from what I share, or laughing at me because I am not the world's greatest, or whatever, it will be fun. I just feel like sharing a piece of my life with others. Not that anyone cares, but just in case they do, it is sort of a way to see if the grass really is greener on the other side. If you choose to join the ride, I hope you enjoy it, and I will try to make it an experience as close to mine as possible.