sTrEsS

Found out Jared is going to Iraq and could possibly go straight from there to Afghanistan.  Haleigh has decided not to sleep through the night anymore, and would like to be held to go back to sleep.  And to top it all off, the little one I babysit just cries and cries.  I can't take it!  I love kids, but with this one, it gets on my nerves soooo quickly. Also, the dog runs in and out like he is a 5year old, and the weather changing everyday is killing me. 
I need to figure out how to deal with all this stress before I go insane.  I guess that is it for now.

Ok, so I haven't really been keeping up with this, but anyhow... Haleigh has gone from rolling all over, to pulling herself with her arm, but only if she REALLY wants something. She is getting so big! Jared is getting deployed soon, and this will be our first one. He is going to miss all of Haleigh's firsts.....teeth, steps, words, birthday, Christmas, etc.....I feel so bad. I have been babysitting for a little extra money, and now I am not so sure if I want to continue. I love kids and all, but right now it is a little overwhelming. Not to mention, with Jared not being here, I am going to want to go home whenever I feel like it. Right now, I have an about to be 1yr old who is really a monster, a 2 month old who still just eats and sleeps all day, and my own who is almost 6 months. They ALL have runny noses right now, and hate for their faces to be wiped! Great fun. Now, I know all kids develop differently, but aren't 1yr old's suppose to know some words? All this one does is scream. She screams and cries when she wants something, when she doesn't want anything, when you won't let her have something, when she is hungry, when she is tired, when she wakes up, etc. The other thing that bothers me is that the one year old I babysit is suppose to take a nap form 11am until 2:30pm; Crazy I think, but if she doesn't get it, she is even worse! She cries herself to sleep, then she cries when she wakes up. It is super frustrating because no matter what I do or say she won't stop! Not to mention, we can't do anything, because that takes up most of the day! I would like to go for a walk and maybe let them play at the park once in awhile. I use to have a ton a patience with kids, but for some reason, now I have trouble with the screamers. Especially when they are screaming for no reason. Haleigh is such a good baby, maybe I just got spoiled. I think I have decided, I am done babysitting full time. I think I will be done babysitting full time. I will strictly do it for small jobs, like if someone needs to run errands or something. I have enough to do with my dog, and my daughter, and cleaning our house, etc. I guess I am done raving about that for today. So the weather is starting to get cool, and I found out that we have no winter clothes for the baby. I have one sweat suit, a couple of long sleeve onsies and two thin pair of pants that we just bought. So we searched everywhere for a pair of jeans for a 6-9month old. Finally I found some at JCPenny, and they were on sale! My favorite kind! And they look so adorable on her, even though they are a little big. Alright, well, Haleigh is up now, and Maddy is screaming again, so I am done for today.

It's been awhile....

So, I ordered a new camera. I was so excited to get it, and then I couldn't get the pictures to work on my computer. Wonderful! Well, I finally figured everything out, and I love the camera, and taking pictures of my family. I got the camera just in time, too, because Haleigh is starting to do a lot of new things, and we had some crazy bugs around here. They are creepy to me, yet a little intrigueing. I put an example for you.

We had a little get together on Friday night, and that was fun. The guys are really like little kids. We had a fire and roasted marshmellows, and everything was fun.

We are putting a long awaited fence in the backyard for the dog to have a little freedom. I think he sees it more as just a bigger cage, but at least he won't have to be on the chain, and we won't have to listen to him bark.

I guess that is all for today.

Ok....so my hubby and I have been doing the p90x workout, and now I have a gash in my forehead. Hmm, how does that happen when you are working out? Well, we have been doing this workout in order to get in shape, and help me lose my baby weight. We have only been doing it for a week, but I am 100% committed. Now since I am so committed, and we don't have all the correct equipment yet, we decided to improvise as well as we could. We were doing fine up until Friday night when we had to do the pullup section. We are using the power bands since we don't have a pullup bar just yet. Well, the other thing is we didn't get the door thing that holds the power band in the door while you use it. This is where the improvosition comes in. My husband put something in the end of a sock and hung it over the door, closed the door, and tied the power band in the other end of the sock. Fine. It was working wonderfully; That is until the dog needed out, and the baby was crying all at one time. So I opended the door to let the dog out, continued excercising, and then when he barked was going to let him in. Then I thought better, and decided to let him stay out until we were done, and since the baby was on the floor. Well, it was time to do more pull ups, Haleigh was sitting next to me screaming, and the dog was outside barking. I thought if I hurried up and sat down next to Haleigh she would be ok, since she finds it hilarious when we workout. Well, I hurry up and sit down and pull on the bands to do my pull ups and all of sudden the sock comes flying at me. So I duck a little, as any normal person would when something is flying at your face, and it smacks me right in the forehead with whatever was in the sock. It felt like a rock. My husband started to continue to workout thinking that I was laughing, and at first I was. However, then I started crying, and he asked me if I was ok, and I couldn't really answer. He proceeds to let go of his band and I hear glass shatter...I just knew he broke the window on the door. So, he comes to check on me, and asks if I'm ok, and I start to say yes, thinking it just knocked me pretty good, and I will hold it a minute, and then we could continue. Wrong! I pulled my hand away after saying yes I was ok, and I had a hand full of blood! Shocked me, of course, and I started crying even more. I go to the kitchen sink and wait for Jared to get me a towel, the whole time asking if I got blood on the carpet, and if he broke the window. Just a few drops and no. It was a little candle thing. Then Haleigh is still crying, and the dog is still barking. I told him to just go pick her up. He was more worried about me, and I was more worried about everything else. Imagine that. That is what mother's do I guess. Who cares that I'm bleeding from my forehead. Clean the carpet and pick up the baby. Wow! What a Friday night. We got the bleeding under control, and while Jared put Haleigh to bed, I cleaned up the blood, and let the dog in. Then I called a babysitter, so that we could go to urgent care, just to make sure that I didn't need stitches and nothing else was wrong. This was at about 9pm. We sat at the ER for about 2 hours and then Jared finally checked to see how long it was going to be seeing as how we had a four month old at home who still wasn't feeling the greatest, and was only on her second night of antibiotics. I wanted to make sure we could get home before she woke up and gave the babysitter hell. Well, they didn't even have a Dr. assigned to us yet, and there were people still waiting that had been there long before us, so we decided to go to wal-mart and get some neosporan, and bandaids. Great ER! I got a whole other story for you about them too! Anyhow, to finish this one, we stopped at McDonald's (b/c we hadn't eaten supper yet either, b/c we always do our workout when Jared gets home from work, then do the baby's routine, then eat supper), and Wal-Mart, and then back to the house. The baby was fine, hadn't been awake, and all was calming down. We doctored my head and went to bed. Lastly for today, let me tell you about the ER visit we had not even a week before. It was just the Sunday before actually. TMI WARNING......Haleigh had started having diarhea on Sat. morning. I know babies get that sometimes. I thought it was something she had eaten that didn't agree with her. Fine. We'd wait it out. Sunday morning she was very cranky, and when I changed her diaper, there was blood in the diarhea and the diaper rash that she had started to get the day before was really bad now. I told Jared right then we were going to urgent care. We take her, they send us the the ER because of her age, and turns out, she was running a slight fever (101.4) too. So we sit in the ER room, and wait for a doctor to come and check her out. Now this is where the fun begins! I really do not like ER Dr.s and nurses. They do not care about how you are. I thought that seeing as how they were dealing with a baby, they would care more, and take more care. Not the case at all! We waited forever for the Dr. to come and see us. When she finally did, she was in there for about 5 minutes. She ordered a catheter to make sure that she didn't have a UTI (unirary tract infection), and prescriptions for us to alternate tylenol, and motrin for the fever. I swear to you, the nurses that put the catheter in, almost got punched. First of all, they lectured us about what to feed a baby. We told the doctor that we had started her on vegetables a while back, and rice cereal. The pediatrician said that was ok. Well, Saturday morning we gave her chicken, and Friday night Jared accidentally grabbed the oatmeal cereal my sister had given us, and fed that to her. So we were afraid that is was one of those things, that caused the diarhea, and therefore told the Dr. about 'em. Well, miss know it all nurses, lectured us that we shouldn't feed babies that stuff until they are at least a year old. One said she had a ten pound baby, and he was a porker, and lived just fine on formula and rice cereal until he was a year old. Well, fine. All babies and parents are different. Our pediatrician had already told us it was ok to be feeding rice cereal and first foods. Secondly, the catheter. By this time, I am crying, because I had already felt like a horrible mother, and now I felt even worse. So now they want to cath her to test her urine. Jared is sitting by her head and holding her hands and talking to her (thank goodness, because what came next made me cry even more), the nurses start to cath her, and she is being good. She is holding pretty still, that is until the first nurse couldn't get it in, and then she started crying. Which in turn made her start squirming more. Just about the time I was going to tell her to stop and leave her alone, she lets the other nurse try. Again, she can't get it in. And then she tells Haleigh "SHHH" in a really mean tone. Ok, you can't tell a 4month old to Shh first of all, and secondly they were hurting her. I was about to tell this nurse they weren't getting it, and they were done, right about the time she finally got it in. It turns out the first nurse wasn't putting it in the right spot. Wonderful, so I watched you hurt my daughter for no reason! I was fuming! Now, we leave, come home, give Haleigh tylenol only for her fever only when she was running one. I didn't feel she needed the motrin (and come to find out, I'm glad I didn't give it to her). They told us to follow up with our Dr. in 3 days. So I call and make the appt., which ended up being almost a week later. We see the Dr., and tell him what has been going on, and mind you Haleigh has just stopped running a fever, but the diarhea had definitely not improved, and the diaper rash was just starting to clear up from us coating her with Desitin after every diaper change. I ask him, if it could have been caused by the food?. He proceeds to tell me that yes, some foods that are unprocessed especially and chicken, can carry salmonella. Hmm, I knew that, but baby food too? I asked, " even the jarred stuff?" "Oh" he said. The notes from the ER said that you were feeding her table food. WHAT?! I would not give a 4month old "real" chicken! Then he looks at the diaper rash and gives us some prescription (Happy Hiney) diaper rash cream. The nurses said that the blood was from the diaper rash, which I could clearly tell it wasn't. Now we get down to it. He said yes it could still cause it, could be a little bit of food poisoning, and it would have to run it's course, but lets go ahead and do some tests just to make sure. He orders her blood drawn, and a stool sample. So I take her to get her blood drawn, bring them back a stool sample later that day, and the next day or two, he calls me back. Guess what? Haleigh has a virus! She needs antibiotics. Now if the nurses and Dr. at the ER had cared more, and payed attention, they would have maybe run those tests, and we could have had the antibiotics and gotten her over it by then! She was on the antibiotics for 1day when we saw a change in her mood, and her appetite. Then after 2-3 days, her bowel movements were back to normal. Imagine that. The Dr. did his job, and she got better! Ok, I am done ranting and raving about the ER, but it really burns my butt, that they would treat an infant like that. It is one thing, to be rude to adults, and if you are having a bad day, to take it out on someone, but when it comes to an infant, they didn't do anything, they don't know. You are a nurse/Dr. and you chose to do this job to help people, you are not allowed to have bad days, and take it out on people. What if it had been more serious than that? They could have cost her, her life, or caused her to get sicker! Anyway, thanks for reading (listening), and keep that in mind when you visit the ER (or any Dr. for that matter). A mother's intuition is usually right. I knew something wasn't right with her. I just didn't know exactly what. That is my opinoin, and a look into my laugh over the last two weeks.

Alright, back to motherhood and finally having the baby. I love babies and have all my life. I think that too many people, make it seem so great and glamourous, though. There are so many things that happen to the baby, b/c of the baby, and so on.

I don't really know exactly where to start, my baby (I don't want to say is perfect, but ..) didn't have alot going on. She was a very happy baby, slept 4-5hrs from the day she was born, eats good, and so on. She, just like any other baby, though, has gotten sick. Unfortunately, and I don't really enjoy it (not that anyone does), but what the problem is, is that no one tells you, that they cry all the time when they are sick, and get diaper rash that is so bad their little bottom is raw, and they scream when you change the diaper, and worst of all that you can't do anything to help them. Haleigh is on antibiotics now, and I really feel like a bad mother that she got sick. How about those emotions of being a parent? No one really tells you about that. Sure they say it will change your life, but they don't really elaborate. It is more of a roller coaster than pms, and regular life itself. I am so happy to have a baby, and I want to do everything that I can to make sure she stays happy and healthy and grows up to be a great person (better than me). It is just that everytime something happens, I feel like it is my fault. I feel like I let her down. The crazy part is, that right now, she doesn't even really know. She just knows that she hurts and doesn't feel like her normal self. I am kinda getting off subject I guess, but that's ok. I am done talking about this topic alone. I just kind of wanted to throw that out there, and see if I was the only one that feels that way. I am sure I'm not. .......

.....Now to the real stuff.

I stay at home all day with my baby, and I know that it is my "job" to make sure the house is clean and take care of her, and take care of the pets, but I am going crazy. I get the main things done most of the time...laundry, dishes, etc., but we are still moving into our new house, and I am trying to get boxes unpacked and put where they belong, and organize all the rooms the way we want them. This is tough with a baby and a dog, especially right now, when the baby doesn't feel so well and wants to be with me all the time. She won't hardly take a nap for fear she might miss something, I guess, and the dog wants to run in and out all day or pee on the floor. He usually waits until I am busy to decided to go outside. Then he just barks to come right back in. I feel that I am doing a pretty good job with things, but my husband gets upset b/c the house isn't always 100% clean. Now, I can't complain about him too much because he generally helps me with things, but he has started slacking off lately, and when I brought it to his attention he just got upset. Like how dare I accuse him of that.

He use to help me with the laundry, dishes every night, sweep the floor, take out the trash, scoop the litter box, and help with dinner and or the baby without me even having to ask. Now he does the laundry when he needs something that isn't done, hardly ever helps with the dishes (which is partly me right now, because by the time we are done working out and put Haleigh to bed and eat, I just want us to relax and spend time together), and I have been scooping the litter box and feeding the animals, and sometimes taking out the trash, but I have to ask him to help me anymore. Also, on the weekends we don't do anything, and he just watches tv and doesn't want to help me put things away. Ok that is fine sometimes, and I know I don't have a job, but I really can't do all of it bymyself. I need him to help me and if we were to just take a weekend and get this done, then it would be alot easier for me to keep the normal everyday stuff done and still tend to the dog and take care of the baby. He seems to think that I have plenty of time to clean. The problem is he doesn't understand that, although Haleigh is a good baby, she stills cries and needs things, and now she is at the stage where she doesn't want to sit on her own and play, she wants you to play with her. Also, she is not feeling well right now, and she cries alot. She wants me to hold her all the time, and she won't even take a nap like she use to. She has been taking a nap on her own for about 2-3 months. I would give her a binky and lay her down and out she goes. Now, she just cries and cries and cries. Even if I hold her, sometimes she still cries. It really doesn't allow me to get much done. And then when it's not her, it is the dog. And some days I don't really feel like cleaning with all that going on. Just like he doesn't because he works all day or all week (that is his excuse for not helping on the weekends). I feel bad, and I really want to do a better job, but at the same time, I am not about to start doing everything of him (even if I could) because then he really would be lazy, and never help again. I am really just asking him to understand where I am coming from and not be so upset with me b/c it isn't done, especially if he isn't going to help.

Alright, that is enough since this has turned into a vent. I have a wonderful husband, don't get me wrong, and I love my life. I just need to be able to voice how I feel without someone getting angry at me. I know we will talk it out enough that sooner or later he will realize what I am saying and understand.

I am going to say tata for now, and try to get something done, as Haleigh is going down for a nap right now.

Motherhood vent

Now that I have figured out how this whole thing works, there is a specific topic that I really just can't get over, that I would love to share with the world and get feedback on. Here goes... So I totally LOVE being a mommy, and have wanted nothing more for my entire life. However, I would like to talk about the things that NO ONE ever talks about when you become a mother. Where to begin, though....Well, first off, getting pregnant for us, was no accident. We talked for along time about when we were going to start trying and if we were ready, and we decided that we were. Now, pregnancy is a beautiful thing! If you enjoy being nauseous or vomiting all the time, not being able to eat some of your favorite foods or any food sometimes, for that matter. Oh, and there is always the weight gain (which wasn't so horrible for me except for the fact that I was already kind of big), the water retention and bloating, gas, mood swings (which our husbands really enjoy), crying for no reason or for stupid things (such as my husband taking some of my cheetos out of the bowl I had just made for myself (Like there wasn't plenty more for me to get out of the bag if I ran out!) and there are so many more stories like this one), being tired all of the time even when you don't do anything, and then ...on top of all that... on a regular basis, we get to pee in a cup, have blood drawn, and have tests done for the baby's sake and sometimes for our own. These things aren't that horrible really, but that first sonogram (at least for me) was a bit of a suprise. Not only did we finally get to see that there really was a baby inside of me, and hear the heartbeat for the first time, but it was not the ultrasound that I was expecting. I did not know that they have a vaginal sonogram! Fine that happened once, now I know, but then there is the other (like a papsmear) exams too, the diabetes test, and the list goes on. Every womans dream! After the dream comes true, then we get to labor. Yeah, everyone says it hurts, and they get drugs and that makes it all better. BOLOGNE! Ok, so the drugs help a little, but that isn't really that fun either. My entire body was numb from my ribs down, therefore you can't control your gasiness (little bit embarassing), or move if you want to. Someone has to move you. Then comes the pushing. Fine, we all make it, but wow. And the nurses and doctors don't really help. My sister's told her that the more she screamed the longer the baby was going to take to come out. Hello, is that something you really want to tell a moody, hormone stricken, drugged, pregnant woman? I don't think, so, obviously, I don't think that nurse had ever had kids herself. My nurse kept telling me to push and then walking away. Uhmmm, where is the baby going to go if no one is there to catch? And what do doctors get paid for? Finally, after 3hrs of pushing, the doctor walks in, puts on a paper gown and some gloves, catches the baby, dad cuts the cord, the doctor says "congratulations" and walks out. WTF! The nurses or anyone for that matter could have done that! Oh, and how about the processes and pain afterwards? They spray your bottom with some stuff, wipe it with rough paper towels, and then take the catheter out and make you pee on your own. Now that was the best feeling in the world! And let me tell you, it doesn't last for just a day or so. And then there is the bleeding for days and weeks on end. You start to wonder if it is ever going to stop, or if you are just going to bleed to death, and who is going to take care of the baby if you do?Oh, and yes you may get over the pain, but I don't think you really "forget" it. It is bad enough that you NEVER forget, you just put it out of your mind, until it is about to happen again. Crazy people aren't we? Holy cow, what a fun day! Now, this is a long, blog, so I will get to the rest tomorrow, but I think this was a good start. Tomorrow, I will get to the "real" joys of being a mother (or father, they are not to be excluded, for they go through some of it too, and some fathers are even the "mother").

New to Blogging

Ok, so I am just learning how to do this, but I think I will have fun, and so will everyone following along. Whether it be from what I share, or laughing at me because I am not the world's greatest, or whatever, it will be fun. I just feel like sharing a piece of my life with others. Not that anyone cares, but just in case they do, it is sort of a way to see if the grass really is greener on the other side. If you choose to join the ride, I hope you enjoy it, and I will try to make it an experience as close to mine as possible.